Family Bed:
Breaking Down the Family Bed
There's a lot of talk and opinions over children and their sleeping habits when it comes to family beds. "The Family Bed" is when an entire family sleeps together, often on a king sized bed to accomodate several children. Every remark has been made from, "Oh, what an interesting idea!" to "That's demented and warping."
This short article covers the pros and cons of the family bed, as well as the compromise that can come from both sides of the debate.
Families Who Support The “Family Bed”
Generally, family bed proponents stem from the "Attachment Parenting" school of thought. People who like the idea of sleeping with their kids agree that it's a great time to bond and spend time with their children. They often love the idea of cuddling and believe being close to your child is the best thing you can for their growth and development.
Attachment mothers agree that it's easier for breastfeeding as they're able to have a quicker response to their babies. Some mothers even think that their babies sleep sounder and longer if they can feel their mother close by.
Historically, dating back to stone and bronze age periods, even the upper class families slept with their babies and children for warmth and security.
Families Who Don't Agree With The “Family Bed”
People who disagree with the family bed feel that it's a bad habit to cultivate. It doesn't allow either the children or the parents to sleep well, due to tossing and turning and sharing a mattress with multiple people. Kids need to learn independence, and having their own bed is the first step to that independence. It also makes the private time (i.e. intercourse) that parents need more difficult to achieve. You also have to be careful not to roll over on a baby or small child, or have big pillows and comforters that would smother them.
Then there's always the time when you have to finally end the family bed... are you really going to have two teenage boys sleeping with you?
It's hard to stop something once you've started it. How do you break it to your children that they can no longer sleep with you, and not have them feel rejected?
Compromising Both Sides of the Debate
Like most situations in parenting, there's always room for compromise. The family bed doesn't necessarily have to have a strict set of rules that you either follow or don't.
Here are some things to think about:
1. Most women who breastfeed won't have to get up several times in the middle of the night to feed a newborn who is already in their bed. Keeping a baby nearby is handier and quicker for everyone. Husbands included, of course!
2. As your baby starts to sleep more, put him in a bassinet next to the bed so that you can easily grab him without having to go anywhere far. Lay him in bed next to you, nurse, and then put him back in his little bed when he's finished. If you doze off and he ends up staying for a few hours, that's fine. He'll eventually spend most of his time in his own bed. You'll sleep more soundly.
3. You can always welcome your older kids into your bed for those times when they don't feel well and are having a hard time falling asleep. This strategy is especially helpful for kids who share rooms. If they can't sleep, they may wake the others up.
4. You can also bring children to bed with you in the morning when they happen to wake up a little too early.
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