When
you make a conscious choice to ensure that your kid's needs for belonging, uniqueness,
power, and expression are truly being met, you will find some amazing changes
occurring in a relatively short time. It's never too late to start. Don't think
for a minute that because your children are already teenagers that it's too late.
That's simply not true. It's never too late to help change their self-image and
to change the dynamics of the family.
When
children feel good about themselves, it's like a snow-ball rolling downhill. They
are continually able to recognize and integrate new proof of their value as they
grow and mature. They come to understand that they are in a process of developing
and have realistic expectations of their capabilities, knowing that these capabilities
will increase. And they are open to trying new experiences and taking the risks
necessary to learn new skills.
Children
with high self-esteem radiate an inner sense of security that is reflected in
their actions. They are able to freely express their thoughts, opinions, and feelings,
and can constructively work at solving problems.
The
following two lists will give you an easy thumbnail reference that lets you assess
the state of a child's self-esteem.
A
Child With Self Esteem:
is proud of his or her accomplishments. can act independently.
assumes responsibility. can tolerate frustration.
approaches challenges with enthusiasm. feels capable of taking charge
of situations in his or her own life. has a good sense of humor.
has a sense of purpose. can postpone gratification.
seeks help when needed. is confident and resourceful. is
active, energetic and spontaneously expresses his or her feelings.
is relaxed and can manage stress.
A
Child With Low Self-Esteem:
plays it safe by avoiding situations that require taking risks. feels
powerless. becomes easily frustrated. is overly sensitive.
constantly needs reassurance. is easily influenced by others.
frequently uses the phrases "I don't know" or "I don't care."
is withdrawn. blames others for his failures. is
isolated, has few friends, is preoccupied. is uncooperative, angry.
is uncommunicative. is clingy, dependent. is constantly
complaining. has a general negative attitude.6
Ask
yourself, What kind of self-esteem am I building in my children and reinforcing
in me? Spend time observing your children's behavior, and you will learn a lot
about their internal self-image. We can read the clues in our children in the
same way we learn to read a road map.
Watch
and notice how they handle conflict, disappointment, and failure. Do they attempt
to get their needs met directly? Do they take risks and try out new activities?
Do they express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions openly? What are their
peer relationships like? How do they handle rejection and competition?
By observing these coping strategies, you will learn a lot about how your child
feels about himself.
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Throughout this website, statements are made pertaining to the properties and/or
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