Terrible Twos:
Understanding and Surviving the Terrible Twos
By nature, children at the age of two (the “terrible-two's”) are more concerned with their own needs, and most likely act in a selfish manner. They often refuse to share anything that's snagged their interest, and they don't easily interact well with other children, unless it's to let a playmate know they would like a toy or object for themselves.
There will be times when your child's behavior will drive you crazy, but if you take a closer look at the other kids, as well as at developmental pyschology, you'll notice that all toddlers in the play group are probably acting the same way.
At age two, children view the world almost exclusively through their own needs and desires. Because they can't yet understand how others might feel in the same situation, they assume that everyone thinks and feels exactly as they do.
For these reasons, it's useless to try to shape your child's behavior using statements such as, "How would you like it if she did that to you?" Save these comments until your child is seven; then she'll be able to really understand how other people think and feel and be capable of responding to such reasoning.
Because your two-year-old's behavior seems only self-directed, you may also find yourself worrying that she's spoiled or out of control. In all likelihood your fears are unfounded, and she'll pass through this "terrible" phase in time. Highly active, aggressive children who push and shove are usually just as "normal" as quiet, shy ones who never seem to act out their thoughts and feelings.
Ironically, despite your child's unilateral focus on herself, much of her playtime will be spent imitating other peoples' mannerisms and activities. Imitation and "pretend" are favorite games at this age. So, as your two-year-old puts her teddy to bed or feeds her doll, you may hear her use exactly the same words and tone of voice you use when telling her to go to sleep or eat her vegetables.
No matter how she resists your instructions at other times, when she adopts the parent role, she imitates you exactly. These play activities help her learn what it's like to be in someone else's shoes, and they serve as valuable rehearsals for future social encounters. They'll also help you appreciate the importance of being a good role model, by demonstrating that children often do as we do, not as we say.
The best way for your child to learn how to behave around other people is to give her plenty of trial runs. So don't let her "terrible two" antisocial behavior discourage you from getting play groups together (though at first it may be wise to limit the groups to two or three children).
Although you'll need to monitor their activities closely to be sure that no one gets hurt or overly upset, you should let the children guide themselves as much as possible. They need to learn how to play with one another, not with one another's parents, and they need to learn how to resolve situations for themselves.
Hello, my name is Leah Day. In 2007 I gave birth to my son at home naturally and without medical intervention. With my husband Josh, we created and coined Moderation Parenting, a new style of parenting centered around the idea that no baby fits into a predetermined mold. If this article interested you but you're in need of some detailed, comprehensive, and honest information from a mom who's writing about her baby while her baby is still a baby, please click here to learn more about the Moderation Parenting approach!
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